I found myself in intensive care when I was 24. As a full-time ignorant to myself and others I was back then, it was the very first time I faced the biggest fear in our lifetime - fear of death. That was a time when all my energy was spent towards arguing with this actuality, neglecting or even avoiding it. The responsibility and blame for this I put on everyone else!
After being discharged from hospital, I still couldn't accept my new reality. I lived in the past, pretending everything was fine, only taking care of my image I had created - I just couldn't show my vulnerability to the world. That was a time of endless unspoken panic attacks and new myself - a freak, who was trying to function amongst friends and society, continuing studying somehow. It was a time of my total breakdown - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
One attack happened the day when I was visiting my parents. It was very intense, a very strong one, that my parents called an ambulance… Meanwhile I saw fear in their eyes. But it was also something else… a felt experience of their love and tenderness - it was a very potent experience!
That day I realised I needed to change and made a promise to myself to get back to “normality”. My scientific expedition to Siberia a year after (I was studying Ethnology and Cultural Anthropology in Poznan University/Poland, my master thesis subject was about shamanism in this region) helped me to get up off my knees. Poverty in this region and yet the welcoming from the richness of people's hearts had touched me deeply.
I felt a sense of life was slowly coming back to me. Moreover the willingness to get to know more about my body & mind vehicle. I wanted to learn the skill to manage it properly and to be empowered by it for upcoming challenges!
To summarise, I have moved towards eastern philosophies over 20 years ago. I have been practising internal Chinese martial arts since then, also qigong practises and meditation. Last 10 years I have been exclusively training an art called Zhong Xin Dao I Liq Chuan under Grandmaster Sam Chin's guidance. The beautiful and powerful art based on Zen & Tao philosophies with teachings going far beyond training grounds.
After a while I have discovered that the same diagnostic tools from our training can be used to deal with our trapped emotions, like in my case - ‘fear of death’. I. E. the tension which arises in the body as the result of compulsive reaction to something we do not accept - is a right moment to realise that we are not present. It's direct feedback from the body that we resist to reality hence we are not in the FLOW anymore…
GM Sam Chin's famous saying at the beginning of each training - “Feel Yourself” can be successfully used to “nourish and flourish” one's true nature and to establish genuine connection with self, others and environment. For me as a coach it’s a mandatory practice to check where me and my clients are and to reconnect back to the present moment and to our deep values.
I understand from today's perspective that this whole experience was the best thing that could happen to me for which I bow with heartfelt gratitude! Life has called me to the depth, initiating my awakening process to that which matters most - to the life itself!
The journey has been profoundly transformative and I have come to a deep realization that I am here to support others who are also on the same path of inner-transformation. To ultimately become a free being thriving through life full of fulfillment!
That’s exactly how Freedom Coaching was born.